O Say, Can You See?

This morning I accompanied my son to the Doctor for his first ever physical. He's been seeing this doctor for years, but they were only "sick visits" and he had never had just a regular check up. So after the Doctor's urging and a few teachers telling me that Zack wasn't looking "too good", I decided to make him an appointment. I was very anemic as a child and teenager and thought he might be experiencing some of the same issues too. He was looking pale and had dark circles under his eyes, his hands were cold all the time, and he was dizzy and shakey. Not to mention, he's not eating right nor getting enough sleep!

So, first thing was for him to step on the scale. We knew he had been losing weight, that was obvious to anyone who knows him...but 41 pounds in a year? WOW! We didn't realize it was that much. In January of '06, he decided to cut out sodas and junk food and started working out. He wasn't fat by any means, and now 41 pounds lighter, he is very, very skinny. The Doc was a wee bit alarmed at this and said he was under-weight by about 10-15 pounds and needed to gain a few. (Hmmm, what does that feel like? Your doctor telling you to gain weight! Excuse me just a moment while I drift off in fairy-tale land and dream of my doctor telling me those words!)

Okay, that was nice--more like "never NEVER land!"

Next thing was for him to read the eye chart. The nurse told him to read the smallest line he could see. Zack rattled off a sequence of letters and then looked at her. She frowned, looked at him and said, "do it again". So, he rattled off some more letters, not sounding anything like the first set of letters he read and looked back at the nurse. [Sidenote: I have perfect vision, so by this time, I'm getting the giggles because I know what he's saying isn't even close to being correct!]. She very sweetly says, "why don't you try line 5". Hmmmm...that was not so good either. "Okay, Zack, try line 4" Yes! That's my boy! He finally gets those 5" letters correct! Now the nurse turns to him and says, "tell me the colors of the two lines on the chart", which Zack very confidently says "blue and pink". By this time, I'm doubled over laughing with tears streaming down my cheeks as she drops her clipboard down by her side and in a half-flustered, half-joking way says, "WHAT eye chart are YOU looking at?"

Then as she directed us to a room, she went on this 10 minute rant about how he should not be driving, "he has 20/50 vision and that is not a passing grade to get your license. Did they pass you? Do you have a license? Cause, you really shouldn't have a license! You really can't see! You should not be behind the wheel." At which point, my son turns to her with a smirkish grin and says, "well, I took my driver's test over 7 months ago and passed the eye part then, maybe it's just gotten worse. But I can see the BIG things. I can see other cars and trucks on the road. Sometimes at night though, I have trouble with traffic lights until I'm right up on them." HELLO? Stop talking please!!! This is all news to me.....can you please stop talking and let's just quietly tip-toe out of here and run to the Optometrist before DEFAX comes and picks me up?!

So, after another lecture by the Doctor, not only on his weight, but his vision, they took a "ton" of blood (according to Zack), a chest x-ray, ran an EKG and we were out the door.

"Hey Mom, can I drive?" Uhhh, let me think about that for a minute, "No!"