Yielding...a daily struggle

Sundays have been hard for me since my Dad passed away just a short 12 weeks ago. During the week, I can stay busy at my job and with the usual "household" things and not think about it too much. Sundays I'm a wreck. Every Sunday morning there is a battle waging within. I keep trying to talk myself out of going to church. I can come up with a million reasons not to go...but I go. Most Sundays, tears stream down my face through the whole praise and worship time, and during the special music and sometimes about halfway thru the preaching too. Today was no different. One of the songs during congregational singing was "It Is Well". That song has always been an emotional song for me anyway, but it was the song that Gary was playing on the Cello when they closed my Dad's casket. The floodgates opened and my eyes overflowed with tears. You would think by now that I would learn to keep a packet of tissue in my purse. When church was over, once again I left thinking...this was just too hard.

This morning while I was getting ready for church, I turned on the tv expecting Dr. Charles Stanley (First Baptist Atlanta), but found his son, Andy, preaching. Nice surprise! I think he's just as good, if not a better preacher than his Dad. He was preaching on "The Cost of Following Christ". The one comment he made that has stuck with me all day was this... "God will take FULL responsibility for a life that is COMPLETELY yielded to Him." Think about that. God will take FULL responsibility for a life that is COMPLETELY yielded to Him. Sometimes we hold on so tight, especially those of us that are control freaks (and I am at the TOP of that list) that we want to control everything that happens. I know that I am guilty of thinking..."if I can just work a little harder to make this deal work out" or "if I can get that house listed, I know I can get it sold by..." I'm like a hamster on a wheel, working so hard to get somewhere, but going nowhere.

I've got to unclench my fists. I've got to let go. So here I am Lord, open hands, palms facing upward, yielding my will and control over to You. And I will be here again, maybe several times throughout the day, learning to yield and learning to let go. Take control and take the responsibility. And when I start to close my fists, remind me by loosening my grip that YOUR way is the only way.