Gonna need a bucket for all these tears...

I have felt in control most of my life. Well, except in the area of eating right and my weight, which is a whole other topic for another day.

Or another decade.

But what I am facing is beyond anything that I can control. My sweet, little, blue-eyed baby boy is entering into a new chapter in his life and is ready to spread his wings and fly. But this mama is not ready for him to leave the nest.

From the time he was a baby, until he was 9 years old it was just the two of us. My ex had an affair and left when Zack was 18 months old (that's a whole other story for another day too!)---so needless to say, Zack and I have been very close the entire time he was growing up.

My life has revolved around raising a sweet son to eventually turn into a fine young man and now I'm feeling a little apprehensive about letting him fly. Each day that passes is one day closer to him flying the coop!

Y'all, I cried the first day I took him to Kindergarten and I cried as I watched him drive out of the driveway the first day of this, his Senior year. Everything this year has been a "last time" and although I could not be more proud of him, I'm feeling so sad because it seems like he's grown up so fast. When I say I blinked and he was grown, that is exactly how it feels. Cherish each moment, you young mothers.

He has received several college acceptance letters (University of Alabama, Troy University, etc.), but his top three choices are Florida State, University of Central Florida and then Auburn.

When I got home yesterday evening, there was a letter from Auburn. The first line read "Congratulations" and the last line said "War Eagle". Everything in the middle was a blur due to the buckets of tears I was crying. Somehow, at that moment, it just seemed more real to me than ever before and I could not. stop. crying.

When he got home from practice, I had the letter sitting at his place at the table. He was happy, but informed me that his first choices are still in Florida.......which was quickly followed by a "Good grief! You need to get a grip, mom!"

...and for a brief moment, I thought I might give him a little 'ole nudge right outta the "nest"!

16 sweet friends had to say...:

Musicaljean said...

Oh Tracey, bless your sweet mother heart. Like I said before, every new step Lisa took was major for me, accompanied by those buckets of tears, because she was my firstborn. I can't imagine how it would be if it were an only born like Zach, especially in your special situation. I wish I could be there to cry right along, but what help would that be? Maybe it's time to start thinking about that possible foster child! Our high school was always delighted with the great athletic talent our foster sons brought to the football and track teams!

Dianne said...

All I've got to say is that THIS is why God has not given me children...He knew I couldn't deal with it. I really do believe that! I cry leaving my nieces at their own house to come to my house sometimes! UGH...talk about needing to get a grip!

justabeachkat said...

Oh Girl...I can so understand. It's the hardest thing EVER! Believe me...I've been there and done that.

But I know after meeting him, that you've done an incredible job of which you should be proud. He's gonna be fine and you will be too.
Hang in there.

Much love and hugs,
Kat

Deborah said...

I know the feeling Tracy, What a wonderful son you have just reading. I must say yesterday was the first day my son chose to kiss me after we rounded the corner of his school. I looked at him this morning as he left for school and boy he is growing faster then the weeds on my grass with all the rain we are getting today.

Penless Thoughts said...

Heartfelt post and very understandable emotions. Enjoy the moments!!!!
Susan

Tonja said...

I know...it seems as if they are ready to go and we just need a little more time! It is hard...I've sent 2 off into this big world, and pray daily I'll get to send the other one. (That didn't sound quite right, but I so long for Alex to get his chance at life) It helped me to look instead at how exciting all this new stuff was for the boys. They were going to "conquer the world" and felt so confident that they really could. I promise you this...because you raised your son the right way, you have nothing to fear. He will stay close to you. You want him to continue to grow, and that includes moving away from you. Hard on us...easy for them. I have found this, though. They really need for us to show them that we believe in them. That we have faith in their decisions, that they are very capable of taking this big step. I think that free's them to share more of their doubts and fears with us. 'Cause this is scary for them...they just would never admit it! You're gonna be fine. Just join in with excitement on each of these new steps, support him, and lead him. He will continue to come back to you for help with future major decisions.

It's gonna be o.k....really!
Blessings!
Tonja

Mindy said...

This is so funny!
I will be praying for you and him in this big time of your lives.
Honestly, as mine as just beginning school (my oldest is in Kindergaten this year) this seems quite a long way off but I know it will be here before I know it!
Blessings!
In HIM -
Mindy

Karen said...

I am sure this is not easy. It's hard for me to believe sometimes that my own son is in 9th grade now. He's almost 15 years old - just about 3 more years before he is 18. How time flies!

Take care,
Karen
http://thetagblog.blogspot.com/

Magnolia Mom said...

Uh! My heart just hurts reading this. How could he choose any school over Auburn? Just kidding! No really, I can't imagine how it will feel to have my kids move on. I get sick just thinking that next year will be TV Boy's last year in elementary school! But I guess, life happens and we just have to cope the best way we know how.

Lyndy said...

Bless your heart sweet friend. I know it will be hard but God will see you through.

Lynne said...

I know your feelings. This is Shelby's senior year too. I can't believe how the time has flown.

How can she be 17 when I'm still only 22??

Jill@Who Could Ask for Anything More said...

Those milestones are hard, aren't they? I was just thinking this morning, as I heard the school bus outside our house, that I wonder what I'll do on Adam's first day of school. He is so intrigued by school buses now, I wonder if he will cry when he gets on the bus, or be excited? And, as you say, I'll blink and suddenly I'll be thinking about sending him off to college, too.

Jungle Mom said...

They do grow up so fast.

Anonymous said...

You precious thing! I'm just gonna take notes on this. My time will be here one day - but I'm a long way out right now. Keep us posted on this journey.

MW

Sandi @the WhistleStop Cafe said...

The good thing about our babies leaving the nest... is that they always come back. Again, and Again, and Again...
Auburn would be a little to close to home maybe??

MorningSong said...

Oh, I cannot imagine!! My heart is breaking for you!! He better be one of those who keeps in touch with you and involves you in his life or else! haha No, I am sure he will!! I will be praying for you as you continue this year of lasts. I can only imagine your heartbreak right now. Hang in there!!!!

Blessings,

 
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